Tag: Authentic Expression

  • Megan Koon

    Megan Koon

    “The most important thing in life is storytelling.” 

    Megan Koon is a writer, editor and writing coach from Simpsonville, South Carolina. 

    Interview

    Transcript

    Megan Koon  00:02 

    So to start, what do you do for work and where are you currently working from? So for work, I am a professional writer, a writing coach and an editor, and I work from Simpsonville, South Carolina. 

    Emma Plutnicki  00:18 

    Nice and how long have you been doing that for? 

    Megan Koon  00:21 

    Well, I’ve been a professional writer at least part time for I guess, I published my first novel in 2019 so around that time, and then I recently in November, decided to go full time with professional writing, writing coaching and editing and all the good storytelling stuff. Nice, exciting. So what is a typical day look like for you? What’s expected of you, and what do you got into on a daily basis? So a typical day for me is, well, I have children too, so I get up going, but then when it becomes time for professional work, I find a place to work that is not my house, because I am not a productive person in my home. So I like to work from coffee shops as a writer. It’s great to be immersed in different kinds of people and hear conversations and see dynamics. So I really like to work from coffee shops, sometimes the library, if I need to lock in, but so I’ll go to wherever it is I’ve decided to work that day, sometimes outside as well, and then I usually spend a couple of hours working on a piece that I’m editing. Often that’s followed by a meeting with whoever I’m editing for. I just recently finished editing a or- developmental editing a young adult novel. So I met with the writer recently, and then I take a break for lunch, and then I like to spend my time writing my own stuff or working on podcast ideas, because that’s something new that I’m working on and yeah, and then often in the late afternoons, after school. I also work with kids. So I will go and work with kids. I work with kids who who have dyslexia and dysgraphia, so they struggle to read and write and so I’ll work with them after school, typically. So that’s, that’s my day. It’s a whole bunch of words. 

    Emma Plutnicki  02:21 

    Yeah amazing. And so you put on a lot of hats throughout your day and have to deal with your family and everything. So how are you able to maintain a healthy work life balance? Because I’m sure also creativity strikes at different times. So how are you able to manage that? 

    Megan Koon  02:38 

    Yes, that’s a really good question. And honestly, that is an acquired skill that takes time to figure out, because you’re right. Like creativity strikes at random and often inconvenient times, which is one reason I always have my notebook with me. I have a notebook with me at all times, everything, everything’s in here, and so that way I can scribble down or write something or make notes as I go, no matter where I am. But I think that most importantly, when I first started doing this work, I really overbooked myself. I was taking on clients right and left. I was so concerned about making enough money to support myself, that I was just like grasping for people, and then I realized that that was taking a toll just on me and my mental health and all of that. And so I keep a pretty standard schedule every day, like there are blocks of my time, just like anybody else would go to work, I block off segments of my time. This is when I work on this. This is when I work on that, and I try to keep to those unless something comes up. So I think that having a regular schedule, even though this kind of work is more freelance and, you know, I report to myself, I still block off those times, and that’s been really helpful. 

    Emma Plutnicki  04:02 

    Yeah makes sense. And is there any like local professional community in South Carolina that you lean on? Is there like a group of authors or anything like that? 

    Megan Koon  04:12 

    Yeah, so, so there are, there are many groups here. I have just a group of local writers that I have a writing partner who I’ve been writing with for years. She writes screenplays and does short films. I write novels, but we, I mean, we both, we’re both storytellers, so I’ve been working with her for years. And then I also am part of a local group with poets, novelists, playwrights, who just get together, and support and accountability is important too. So there is a lot of local support here. There are certainly national organizations that I could belong to and subscriptions that you can have, but I’ve really found so much validation and support just here in the community, you just have to, you have to seek it, because sometimes these kinds of of groups are not advertising themselves out in the community. So. Yeah, makes sense. And along the way, have individuals in that community, or maybe family members or any other mentors given you any advice along the way, whether positive or negative? Yeah, so so both I have certainly being in a creative field. There are plenty of folks who, for whatever reason that I certainly will never understand, don’t see this kind of work as as valid as something like I was a teacher for 20 years, so as something like that, or where I go somewhere else, and I report to someone, and I do my work. It’s hard for people who are not creatives to conceptualize what it is that I do and and why it’s important and like how I support myself. So certainly over time, I’ve had people give advice out of the goodness of their hearts, but with an obvious non understanding of what I do, why it’s important. But also, I’ve gotten some great advice from those that I’ve worked with, whether it was my novel that I published, and I knew something was missing from it, and I had a friend read it and said, “Oh, well, obviously it needs this”. And I’m like, oh yes, obviously it does. And then I put it in, and then we got published. And then also friends in the writing world who are also more astute in like, marketing areas who have said, “Yeah, you should absolutely start this podcast”. Here’s how you should do it. Here’s how. There’s some tiers. So the thing about creatives, too, is that we bring a lot to the experience, beside, just, besides, just whatever our creative ability, like our creative talent, is. I mean, I’m a writer, but having been a teacher for years, I’m a great communicator. I can help explain things. Some of my friends who are writers have marketing backgrounds or, you know, all kinds of things. And so that’s the nice thing about a community of creatives, is that we bring a whole lot of experience to each other. 

    Emma Plutnicki  07:21 

    Yeah, for sure. And so when you you were a teacher, and then you decided to become a full time author. Did you have any fears when you made that switch? 

    Megan Koon  07:29 

    Yes, it was terrifying, because as sure, you know it’s it’s regular hours, it’s a regular paycheck. I loved teaching. I loved what I was doing. I taught English, surprise, surprise, and I loved doing that work, but I also realized that I was so busy and I committed so much of myself to that work that there was no time for this part of who I am, and I have, since I was teeny tiny, I have known that I am a writer, it is what I am supposed to do. I’m supposed to help other people write, and I did that as a teacher. But, you know, in addition, there were so many other responsibilities. So really, I feel that I was really nervous, but I was taking the bits of my teaching career that I loved the most, and I think are the most important, and deciding to make all of that the absolute focus of my time, and also to be able to devote more time to my own creativity, which just makes me a happier, healthier person. But I was certainly afraid, because it sounds and to my family, it also sounded like this unstable thing, because there are no set work hours. There’s no cont- like one contract that I sign, and so there was some nerve in that. But I’m a person who- I truly believe that if you know yourself and you know what gifts you’ve been given, and you feel compelled by those and you’re using them for good, then the universe will help you make your way. And so I took the leap and and I mean not to say that there haven’t been bumpy times where I’m like, “oh gosh, really is that that’s that’s the amount of income I brought to our family this month”  or “why can’t I find more clients right now?” And there’s certainly those moments, but I have learned through this experience that because I am doing what I am supposed to do, things are shaking out, and not even just shaking out, but thriving now, so yeah. 

    Emma Plutnicki  09:34 

    Amazing. So although you may have those bumps in the road, has there been one project that you’ve worked on that has had a significant impact on you, whether it showcased your like, peak of your creativity, or just continues to leave a lasting impact on your life? 

    Megan Koon  09:52 

    Yeah, that’s a great question. So there are certainly projects that I’ve worked on just my own writing novel writing that I, I love them, I haven’t complete. They’re finished, but not finished. So I have not submitted them for publication or anything, but I I feel very they feel very organic for me and very defining. But I would also say that part of what I do with as a writing coach to help other people write their novels or poetry collections, all kinds of things. Is a book that I just finished, I just finished doing an edit, and now the author has hired me into a writing coach retainer. And as I was working on this book, I this was when I was certain, like, this is exactly what I should be doing besides my own writing, I already know I should be doing that, but I love this work. I loved reading his work, and I loved being able to being able to make big suggestions. It was developmental editing, so I basically went in there and said, “Hey, you have two books here. It’s not one book. You’ve written two, and so we need to chop it in half and do all this”. And I felt so- it made me feel very confident myself, because I was certain that I was correct in all of these things, and I knew that I was helping, and he was so receptive, and so that that project was very affirming, that I not only do I know that I have gifts for writing and I know that I can help people write, but that I really can help people with their their their own career and life defining projects, and that’s awesome.  Yeah and so do you feel, I mean, in a creative field, it’s hard sometimes to know what success looks like. So how do you define professional or personal success? Is it moments like that where you just feel fulfilled helping somebody? Is it more financial, ideological? How do you define success in a creative career? That’s such a great question. I’m really glad you asked that, because having taught for many years, I taught high school, and you would ask the students what success was, and they would always say, you know, it’s this income, or it’s being able to live in this kind of neighborhood. And while, of course, there is a part of success that’s able to independently support yourself, for sure, in the creative field, I would say that for me success, I see success in many different ways, but it usually has to do with- either conveying my story and having someone respond to it, and it meant something to them. So, you know, I publish a book, and people read it and they’re like, “oh, this reminded me of, you know, where I grew up”, or “this was so relatable”, like that success. When I’m helping someone with their writing, they’re- they come back with a revision, and they’re so excited, because they really have accomplished this big thing, and that is success to me, because if nothing, I mean, I I’m, I think I’m a pretty good editor, but I, by all, I am an encourager and cheerleader for everybody to tell their story. I was at a career day for an elementary school recently, and I told them all like the most important thing in life to me is storytelling, whether that whether you and and we do that in many different ways. I do it with words. Some people do visual arts. I mean, some people vocally give talks and whatever it is, but everybody has their own individual story. No one could have ever told your story. No one else will ever be able to tell your story, and the world needs stories. So success, to me, is in any way helping to put stories into the world, whether it’s through my own writing, or helping someone else do it, because I really feel like that. That’s what we need as people, is to have those kinds of connections that we can only get through stories. 

    Emma Plutnicki  14:02 

    Yeah I love that. That’s a great perspective to have. Amazing so just as we wrap up, is there anything else you’d like to add, any advice or anything like that? 

    Megan Koon  14:13 

    I would just say that I am in my 40s now. I’ve been writing for a really long time, and I’ve done some other things in the meantime. Teaching, actually worked in IT for a little while, which is very funny, but I was doing communications, so um, and all of that has been well and good, but I am so grateful that I’ve come to the place where I can make space in my life to pursue these creative pursuits, and I wish that I had had more support for it earlier, like when I was growing up from my family or, you know. And so my advice to folks is that if they want to pursue a career in something creative, then know that this is in fact a career. It’s a career it is just as valid as any other career, and it’s, it is one of the most important careers, because we do need stories and we need things of beauty in the world and the the wonderful thing about being a creative is that everything I produce could only come from me, and so it is a personal contribution, but I would just say that if you’re going along and you want to pursue a creative career, and people are acting as if it’s not as valuable, or what does that really mean? If I hear the phrase starving artist one more time, I’m going to just start screeching, but just ignore the naysayers, like you know what you were created to do. You know what your gifts are, and go for them. It’s a legitimate career field, and you should spend your career doing something you love, because that’s how we all spend most of our day as you know, adult, grown up people so do what you love and don’t let detractors try to tell you that it’s not significant, because it really is. 

    Emma Plutnicki  16:03 

    Yeah, thank you. That’s great advice. I really appreciate you taking the time to speak about your career, and you clearly love it. So it’s really refreshing to hear. 

    Megan Koon  16:13 

    Yay! Thank you. [inaudible ] ask me!  Of course! 

  • Mahoganee Amiger

    Mahoganee Amiger

    “Just love yourself and talk to yourself nicely.”

    Mahoganee Amiger works in Beaufort S.C., is an interdisplinary artist in the field of music and has been a songwriter for over 30 years. Mahoganee incorporates poetry and photography into her music to produce a form of visual art. 

    Interview

    Transcript

    00:02 | Lexi 

    So first, we’re going to start, just give a little introduction of yourself. What do you do for work, and where are you currently working from? 

    00:13 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    So I am, well, I’m an artist. I am an interdisciplinary artist in the field of music. Music, Music is my primary discipline, and I have been a songwriter for over 30 years, and I incorporate poetry and photography to my music and makes me a visual art. 

    00:43 | Lexi 

    That’s, that’s amazing. So is that like your full time job? 

    00:49 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    Yeah, it is. 

    00:50 | Lexi 

    That’s, that’s amazing. So how long you said? 30 years? 

    00:54 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    Yes, I’ve been in music 30 years. How long I’ve been full time in music? I would say, let’s see. I had my last corporate job in 2010 I believe, yeah, somewhere, somewhere in there. 

    01:21 | Lexi 

    That’s awesome. Yeah. Okay, so what is- Wait, where are you based in? 

    01:28 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    I’m in, I’m in the lowcountry. I’m in Beaufort, South Carolina, in Beaufort. 

    01:32 | Lexi  

    So what’s one thing that you love about working as a creative in Beaufort? 

    01:40 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    One thing that is so I live on Saint Helena Island, and specifically I am a Gullah Geechee woman, right? This is Gullah Geechee land in Saint Helena Island is so important and pivotal in our community, and it’s a very special place, very spiritual. And so being a creative it is, in my opinion, it is a very magical portal, yes, that right, that I can tap into, and because I allow myself to be open to that I I am never, not creative. Yeah, I am never, there’s not a dry spell. 

    02:31 | Lexi 

    That’s awesome. That’s amazing. So with your, what is your you said that, of course, your heritage is tied to South Carolina. How would you describe the local creative community there? 

    03:00 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    There is a very powerful and strong creative community here on Saint Helena Island. And also, because I my my branches, you know, reach out into, you know, other areas I am able to… I live here, right? I work here, I create here, but I’m also able to reach out, literally to people all over the world and create. And a lot of people are interested in South Carolina, in the lowcountry, and the delegatee culture. And so I’m able to, I’ve done tours, you know, people have wanted to come here and visit. And my husband and I have actually, you know, put an itinerary together and really introduce people to the low country of South Carolina, to the Gullah culture.  And it’s a magical place. And people are, you know, very, very interested in it. Now, it’s a hot culture. 

    04:05 | Lexi 

    Yes, that’s such a, that’s such a beautiful thing to be able to do for others, because I feel like South Carolina does have so much to offer. You just kind of have to reveal it to people, and so you do so much creatively, how would you define both your professional and personal successes in your creative endeavors? 

    04:36 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    So the interesting thing, I believe they’re one, right? They’re just woven together, because being a culture keeper or cultural worker and all of my artistry is tied to my culture and who I am in. It’s about South Carolina. It’s about. The culture. It’s about my African heritage, so it’s personal. Is professional? Yes, right? Because when I, when I walk in, I am whether it is a professional setting or personal setting. I walk in as an artist. Yes, I’m able to just, you know, share from that perspective. So they’re, they’re definitely woven together. 

    05:25 | Lexi 

    Yeah, that is very true. So what was your biggest fear when you decided to pursue your career professionally? 

    05:41 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    You know, I have been singing literally all my life, since elementary school, and I have always done it afraid, you know, like my friends would like, I’ll give you an example. So elementary school, I believe this was fourth or fifth grade, my teacher walks out of the class and they’re like, Okay, can you sing us a song? Can you sing this song? So I go up and I sit in my teacher’s desk, and I don’t know where we got these glasses from, but I had on I put on some glasses like Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder. So to block out everybody, because I’m I’m nervous, but I’m still excited to do it, yeah, and so I think, through, through high school, I was very afraid, but I always did it, even if I had to turn my back to the crowd. So there was the fear of, I think, just being in front of people, you know, and sharing something, but the love for it really just it outshine the fear. And I think I’ve just always been able to walk like that, and until I just got to a point where now I’m nervous, I’m not fearful, the nerves are always going to be there. But I get past the nerves usually in the first, you know, couple of lines of the song, and then, and then I’m in it.  

    07:09 | Lexi 

    Yeah, I feel like that’s amazing. There’s, I feel like there’s so much that people can take from that. I feel like that’s a really good piece of advice, just to get out there and just do it. So, right, yes, do it afraid. That’s that’s a really, really good piece of advice, because I feel like fear holds a lot of people back sometimes. So can you describe, for me, like a defining moment in your journey, like was your particular project that you did that made a significant impact on you, or something that you’ve done that you believe really like showcased your creativity and talent. 

    07:53 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    I think what sticks out the defining moment, really for me, embracing myself as an artist and really embracing myself right like and what I mean by that is being able to look in the mirror and love who I see was when I moved back to South Carolina, and this was also in 2010 and I’m from Summerton, South Carolina, which is about an hour and maybe 15 minutes away from Beaufort, South Carolina. And I never knew about the Gullah Geechee culture. Growing up like it was. It was not taught in school. But once I moved back here and I started to learn about the culture, and it was as if I gained a superpower, yeah, right. The more I learn about my heritage and my culture, the more I learn about myself, the more I learn about my parents, you know, my siblings, just my ancestry, yeah, the more powerful I am. But moving back home was the starting point for that, and it just, everything else just opened up. And it’s been, it’s been an amazing journey finding myself. 

    09:20 | Lexi 

    Yes, that is amazing. And I know, I know there have been so many movements, especially like along the coast, to bring awareness to the Gullah Geechee community. And I think that is like, I think that’s just wonderful. Like, it can bring, it brings so many people together. And I think that’s just just an amazing thing. So what was the best and worst advice you’ve ever received? 

    09:48 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    You know, that’s an interesting question, because I don’t hold, I don’t retain bad advice. Yeah, so I’m not really like i. Really have to think about that one. And you know what? I think something that I remember was trying to play small and having people tell you that you’re not good enough, or you’re that the person to be in the spotlight. And what I mean by that is, I’ve been in music groups where I because of the way that I look, because of my physical attributes, I will not the one they wanted to be, the lead vocalist, and so for somebody that might crush them, you know, and it might stop them on their journey from pursuing their dreams, specifically in music, right, and in the arts and in something in the public. But for me, I just decided that, okay, that means I need to be solo on this journey, and I’m going to have to be my own advocate, right? I’ve gotta be my cheerleader. And but that’s one thing that sticks out. They were trying to put me in the background, and I was like, nah, nah. That’s this is not going to work for me. 

    11:22 | Lexi 

    Yes, yeah.  I feel like that is just something that it’s an amazing piece of advice. You just gotta Well, not that specifically, but just learning that there’s always going to PP be people that are trying to hold you down, but you just gotta move past it. Can’t, can’t surround yourself with those people. 

    11:48 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    Yeah, so the other half of your question was some of the best in life. Yes. And I don’t remember who told me this, but I know I’ve heard it somewhere, and it was to when you get up in the morning and you the first thing you do is you go and you talk to yourself in the mirror, right? And you give yourself these affirmations. And it’s something that I have. I do throughout the day. I don’t write. I don’t just do it in the morning. Whenever I need to give myself a pep talk, I just go and I find a mirror and I talk to myself and because I am with me all day long, right, all the time, and So just always feeding yourself positive words. Positive affirmation is some of the best advice that I got, and I hate that. Can’t remember who told me, and I’ve heard it over and over again, and I see it often, so it’s just, it’s something that I would always tell people, yeah, just love yourself and talk to yourself nicely. 

    13:02 | Lexi 

    Yeah. That is, honestly, like, I do believe that’s one of the most important things you can do, because you are stuck with you for forever. You gotta love yourself. So can you, like, walk me through a typical workday, like, what does your process look like, and what’s what do you expect of yourself, just on a daily basis? 

    13:28 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    Right now, as an artist I am in a fellowship, and that’s also some some good advice that I would share with people, anytime you can find an opportunity to be in a cohort or fellowship or something that is really going to help you grow as a human being, as an artist, as a community leader, I would look for those opportunities because they have been very instrumental in my growth, just as a human and and as an artist and one so how my days look now. I am in a cohort, and we have meetings every month. We also have to work on a project, so and so that is also along with, if I’m having to rehearse for a show just got through writing and recording project for Zora Neale Hurston, so it’s not just one thing. I don’t have a nine to five, so my schedule is kind of different every day, yeah, and it’s but what I’ve learned is that time management is something I need to really, really work on. And as an when you are an entrepreneur or an artist and we’re. For yourself. That’s the that’s the thing that we have to work on the most, because we don’t have the the nine to five schedule where, you know, we we have to create some sort of schedule for ourselves. 

    15:13 | Lexi 

    Yes. So you said that you kind of find that you’re professional and, like personal times are, like, woven together. Like, your creativity, do you try to create a work life balance? Or are you able to maintain, like, keep those two life separate? Or do you like having them join together? 

    15:41 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    It’s all joined together because my husband is also my partner, my business, my partner in music, my partner, my my partner in life, and because we are both musicians and both creatives, it is. It’s an interesting thing balance, because there is no, you know, like I said, there’s another nine to five schedule. And my husband is a music producer and a sound engineer, so he could be working on a particular composition at 3am right? I’m sleeping. If I hear the music, I’m going to wake up. And this has happened, and lyrics have come to me immediately, right? So I get up, yes, I’ve either recorded them on my phone or I, you know, write the lyrics down. So it’s in the creative world, you have to get it when it comes. 

    16:50 | Lexi 

    Yes, right? So, yeah, go ahead. I’m sorry. No, you’re good. You can continue. 

    16:58 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    So the the, that’s why I say the balance is we make it work. Yes, the best answer I can give you is that it works for us because we make it work. And when, when the creative waves come, you have to answer to that call, and then, you know, life moves around that. 

    17:23 | Lexi 

    Yeah, so what are some habits that you have that you think would be beneficial for others, wanting to get into music, wanting to get into storytelling, just get into a creative field? 

    17:42 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    I would say, always capture the idea when it comes whether that is audio right, or whether that is writing it down. Make sure you are always in a learning mindset and just wanting to grow and always get better in your craft. And that’s why I recommended the cohorts and fellowships, any type of professional development that you can do that first helps you as a human being, and then second, it helps you to better yourself and your craft. Those are things that I, I think, have been the most important to me, especially in the growing phase, and just always be willing to learn and grow. 

    18:42 | Lexi 

    Yes, I think, I think those that’s an amazing mindset to begin like at all times in your life. So do you have any questions that you wish that we asked you? 

    18:57 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    Ah, I couldn’t think of any, that’s a really good question. And we didn’t even get through all the questions, right? I cannot think of any question that you shouldn’t have asked me, and I’m trying to think of something that I really want to leave with. People go ahead and ask me the last question, and I’ll marinate on that one for a minute. 

    Think of something that I wish I had thought of. Here’s, here’s one thing, not a question, but something that I will share. And because there’s so much noise on the internet, right, and a lot of times, people are emulating what they see, I would really tell people to dig deep and be your authentic self, because that is where the magic is, and that is what really will make you excel, because now you’re able to stand out when you dig Deep and you really find who you are and what you love, the passion and the purpose I feel will really elevate you in that authenticity, but just being yourself, and that may mean being by yourself for a little bit. You know, being away from people, being away from the noise, and not looking at anything online, because sometimes it’ll feed into your creativity. It’ll feed into who you are, and some, some self reflection time alone, just dig deep for who you are, and that’s where the light is, that’s, that’s where you’re going to shine. That is what I want to share with just everybody, just and it’s, it’s, it’s a simple phrase, be you, but it’s really a big phrase, be you. You know, yeah, that’s, that’s what I would leave people with. 

    22:45 | Lexi 

    That is, I think, really, really beautiful advice. I think that’s really amazing. So many people could learn from that. But thank you so much for your time. I’ve really enjoyed this interview. I think that you’re going to give so many people a lot to think about, a lot of good advice. And yeah. 

    23:15 | Mahoganee Amiger 

    Thank you, Lexi. Of course, I appreciate you taking the time to you know, to do this, and I love that you’re actually doing it, and you made me think of something else, because not just Gullah Geechee people, but really all people. Every every place has a dialect, right? Right. Every place has, you know, people speak differently. Words are said differently. Words mean different things in different cultures. And I want people to hold on to that, you know, because we try, not we, but the world will try to take you out of you.  

    You know the world wants you to sound a certain way. The world wants you to look a certain way. But it all really comes back to again, who you are, what you how you grew up. You know that playing might be in your voice. It may be Jamaican, right? It may be Patwa, it may be Southern, it may be whatever it is, but that’s the thing that makes you you. And I wish that someone had told me that instead of No, I need you to speak proper, you know, I need you to do this, and I need you to look this way. And all they were doing was stripping away, you know, pieces of me. And so when I got back home, I began to, you know, those scripts, I began to put them back on Me. You. And really just become myself and but when you when you said about, you know, learning people’s stories and sharing their voice, it’s like the voice can actually, actually be literal, right? And it can be your speaking tongue, and the world will try and strip that away from you. And I, and I wish that we can hold on to whatever our ancestors did, you know what, whatever our parents did, and allow that to always be a piece of you. Take the other stuff, but just keep, keep that for yourself, and it just adds to the magic.